Locker Room Etiquette

This is a blog about common human decency and the netherworld where it doesn't exist, the men's locker room. Apparently 95% of men reach a certain age between 40 and 100 when they believe that clothes, or even a god damn towel, are no longer necessary. I'm talking about the blatant disregard for the 99.8% of people in this world who aren't blind. The last thing I need to see after a long day is you walking around butt ass naked in a locker room. I may sound a bit harsh, but if it was just nudity, it would be ok, but I swear there are some old men who just love it. The second they get crossed that threshold between the real world and the locker room, their pants rip off like they are coming off the bench and going into an NBA game. So now that they're naked, they can perform normal every day tasks and not care. Like, oh say, bending over at the waist to pick up a sock, shaving and carefully placing their limp liverspotted penii on the sink counter, butt flossing with a towel, even have a 20 minute cell phone conversation, the sky is apparently the limit.

Let's also set something else straight, I'm not homophobic or anything like that, but gay men from A.C. Slater (please, lets not pretend anymore) to Elton John couldn't get a stifey after an all night binger on viagra seeing these sad excuse for men naked. We are talking 50-80 year old men with their extra 50-60 lbs around their waist and hair in places where only Dr. Zaius was suppossed to grow it. I've played sports in highschool, I've taken the shower, but thats ALL IT IS. Towel off, shower, towel on, dress. Somewhere in this easy 4 step process a whole plethora of events have been inserted between steps 2 and 3. Offenders I have seen this week alone (I shit you not): 60 year old man, gut hanging out everywhere, no towel (of course) shining his shoes; guy next to my locker drops his sock and bumps into me with his liver spotted ass (wtf?); guy shaving at the sink with his flacid cock propped up on the sink ledge; a guy blow drying his Chris Bermanesque combover then proceeding to blow dry his nuts; and, two guys having a conversation about which raquet ball raquet they use. All of these offenders all in one freaking week! All these stupid "man law's" miller lite is issuing are not solving real man problems. The real problem is elephantine nakedness rampant in our lockerrooms! This is the one place I can go to relax (the gym), the last thing I need to do is have to run through a corn field just to get to my locker! Wear a god damn towel or a robe please for the love of all that is holy in this world and please... if you drop a sock... let it go man... let it go..........