Get Me a Job Act of 2005

Due to the new trends in government, there is finally hope for me. I have contacted my congressman and senator to help my current problem. In light of congress voting on the new "Terry Schiavo Act of 2005," I have sent both of these people a proposed bill to help yours truly out. I have proposed the "Get Me a Job Act of 2005." Since the government thinks it is their highest priority to invade peoples personal life, I have decided that this would be their next best act! I mean W wouldn't even leave his ranch in the wake of the tsunami, but when it comes to invading some family's personal life in the wake of keeping an eggplant alive (see 'Terry Schiavo = Eggplant' post) he flies the whole way from Arizona to sign a bill to overturn a court order (which is clearly within the whole 'checks and balances' thing our fore fathers created). My bill would get me the job of my choosing due to act of Congress and W himself! I ask that I get at least 6 figures, a company Aston Martin, and private use of a helicopter to get me to and from work. My arguement, you may ask, is also pleasing to conservative Christian groups who want to preserve the eggplant. I abuse copious amounts of internet porn on a daily basis, giving these sites countless hits and providing jobs for spywarers to install tons of shit on my computer. Keeping me at home with nothing to do preserves an unfathomable number of industries which are detremental to society and are slowly destroying the American family. Giving me a job will protect your family from seeing horrible things such as female breasts, female asses, and the occasional shemale in your inbox. It is your duty to God and country to support my bill and keep me from destroying your family!