Episode III.... I guess more "I" 's makes it better

Well, besides the fact I can't figure out which acting school Haydn Christansen comes from (Exhibit A) or ( Exhibit B), the movie wasn't bad at all. The action scenes and the scenery were beautiful. Yoda actually looks like a real organism instead of some stupid fucking CGI muppet. The biggest problem with the movie is Padme. In a world of robots, space ships, and overall supreme technology, the whole plot hinges on her dying in child birth!!!!! It's good to see a problem that bothered us when we worked with stone tools still bothers people of supreme technology. Oh, now your going to tell me that she died because she has no will to live..... BULL SHIT. If they can strap metal onto someone who just got melted by A FUCKING VOLCANO, they can pop some paxil into that bitch and make her better. If it works for every fat depressed bitch on our planet, I'm sure it will work there too.

Some funny parts of the movie begin early but the best part has to be the "Neverland Ranch" scene. It involves Emperor Palpatine and the soon to be Darth Vader in his office. I call it the Neverland Ranch scene because I'm sure this is the kind of persuasion MJ uses to stick fingers in little boys poop shoots. His whole dialogue made me want to shield children from him... creepy.

Back to how much Haydn Christansen sucks (if I spelled it wrong, fuck you I don't care). This has to be the most epically horrible casting job in the history of time. Is there a more highly anticipated part out there than this??? How did they give it to this mongoloid? He has NEGATIVE emotion. He is becoming the Dark Lord himself and the best acting he can do is a mix between Ben Stein and every math teacher I ever had. Did he have an audition??? I would them rather cast ALF in the fucking role, at least he is more charismatic. Don't lie, you want to see the Vader mask with a big ALF nose too. Well, I guess it does fit Lucas' incredibly dull dialogue.

Anyway, a credit to Lucas, he did manage to stop the train wreck that was the last two movies (i.e. stealing scenes from Gladiator, Titanic, and a love story complex enough for readers of Highlights magazine). The movie is actually good and was a fitting closing to the saga. Now I have to go drink a beer to wash the image of middle aged balding men having a lightsaber duel in the theater out of my mind. Go see it.

p.s. Haydn Christansen sucks el grande dong.