Dumb, Dumb, Dumb Evangelicals

I don’t really like to throw the word ignorant around too much, well… that’s a lie and beside the point. For the sake of argument, I’ll just assume that there is no better word to describe how intolerably fucking “ignorant” some people can be. Recently, one of my roommates stumbled onto a documentary on HBO called “Friends of God” which made me want to arm myself with my “Flame Thrower of Justice” and go do some real work. This documentary highlighted, through many examples, how Evangelical Christians live and what they believe, with many of these statements coming from videotaped sermons and from personal confessions. I really don’t care if you believe one thing or another, let me set that straight; but, when you tell your children something so…… so….. I gotta take a break, I almost had an aneurism…. blatantly, scientifically, and obviously wrong and idiotic as “Dinosaurs are in the Bible and lived alongside people and here’s proof! Don’t believe those “evil scientists!”” I just want to eject you from the planet.

For most Christians, they have been willing to accept the fact that the earth is not 6000 years old and there were organisms living on this planet before us (mainly due to the MILLIONS of pieces of evidence that support that idea). Fortunately, for the sake of comedy, there does exist a sizable portion of the Evangelical movement who DOES believe the world is 6000 years old and dinosaurs roamed the Earth with man. I won’t waste time refuting the heaps and heaps and tons and tons and fucking shit heap tons of evidence supporting the fact that the Earth isn’t 6000 years old; instead, I purely want to highlight how ignorant you have to be to think that Dinosaurs lived alongside men.

In this documentary, there was a projectile vomit inducing scene where a “pastor” was in front of an audience of 1000’s of children, including parents, highlighting how clearly this one paragraph describes a dinosaur. That’s right…. one………uno paragrapho from the Bible is used to demonstrate how it is stated therein that these “gentle giants” lived among us.

The verse in question is Job 40:15-24:

“15 Behold now behemoth, which I made with thee; he eateth grass as an ox.16 Lo now, his strength [is] in his loins, and his force [is] in the navel of his belly.17 He moveth his tail like a cedar: the sinews of his stones are wrapped together. 18 His bones [are as] strong pieces of brass; his bones [are] like bars of iron.19 He [is] the chief of the ways of God: he that made him can make hissword to approach [unto him].20 Surely the mountains bring him forth food, where all the beasts of the field play.21 He lieth under the shady trees, in the covert of the reed, and fens.22 The shady trees cover him [with] their shadow; the willows of the brookcompass him about.23 Behold, he drinketh up a river, [and] hasteth not: he trusteth that hecan draw up Jordan into his mouth. 24 He taketh it with his eyes: [his] nose pierceth through snares. “

CASE CLOSED! Clearly this describes a Dinosaur and not an Elephant or a Hippopotamus, you know, something that would be “believable.” Clearly the 10’s of 1000’s of species of Dinosaurs which Archaeologists have unearthed just really don’t deserve mentioning anywhere in the Bible. When 68 Bible verses from the Old Testament alone contain descriptions and/or mention donkeys…. clearly none of them thought a predator the size of Metallica’s Tour Bus was noteworthy (T-Rex). It’s like these people are told the sky is red so many times that they not only believe it but they think you’re an idiot for thinking its blue! I would challenge ANY “Evangelical” to prove to me that Dinosaurs lived alongside humans without sighting SUPER vague Bible verses and maybe some, I know, I know it’s the devil but “scientific (by this I mean, testable, quantifiable observations/examinations) evidence” proving their point. Fortunately, this would be as difficult for them as me trying to pry crystal meth out of Ted Haggard’s hands.

How Inept Can A City Be?

Boston: Fucking Idiot-ville USA. I can’t believe that a police force/FBI/DHS shut down a whole god damn city because of an advertising campaign. If they actually asked anyone on the street between the ages of 15-25 a sizable majority of them would have said, “Chillax (yeah they say that in Boston) man, dat’s (yeah they say that in Boston) just some fucking cartoon man.” The second I saw the “bomb scare material” I laughed out loud (lol’d, they don’t say that in Boston) at the idea that someone would think that was a bomb. I even thought in my head how this whole thing went down.

Scenario:

-Bunch of teenagers walk by Ignignot (2-D Mooninite) and giggle as he flips them off.

-Stoners walk by and laugh for 20 minutes on how an ATHF character is on the street in Boston.

-45 year old soccer mom walks by and, after throwing the half-eaten portion of her gallon of Clam Chowdaeeeh (yeah, they say that in Boston) and her flabby ass arms up in the air she screams “ OH MY LAAAAUUUD (lord) IT’S A BAAAAAAAHHHHMMMM (bomb).” She then proceeds to use a pen to dial 911 (because her fingers are so fat that when she dials she punches 4 numbers at once) and inform them. The cops show up and since they don’t do any real “investigating” declared this a bomb:

Good fucking police work. I know what that is, I watch the show. I’m sure others watch the show, it’s not that obscure. So you say shame on Time Warner, I say shame on you.