I Have a Feeling Snyder Will Love This Game

CRUNK JUICE BITCHES

Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld on tour?

If making fun of retards is wrong.... then this is so right!!!!!!!!!!

Michael Jackson Finally Did It!

Whelp, he finally did it. Michael Jackson threw it all on the table and said he is being held under the thumb of "the Man" and being scruitinized soley because he is........ yes...... you guessed it, an African American....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.

Quoting Michael "I am just another black man the likes of Nelson Mandela and Mohammed Ali who is being targeted for the color of my skin." What, pray tell, is the fucking color of your skin MICHELLE? I guess you spent too much on that log ride in your front yard and your mini-sized bondage basement that you couldn't spring for a mirror. Michael Jackson may have BEEN BLACK; however, he needs to pick a race now (and not just the one that makes the media sympathetic to him) and Diana Ross or Peter Pan don't count. If California lets this guy off, then every judge, lawyer, DA, and everyone else responsible for persecuting criminals should be shipped to Antartica with a toothbrush and a gallon of lard and be forced to fend for themselves. They can feed Ito to the Yeti first. THE GUY HAS A FUCKING AMUSEMENT PARK AT HIS HOUSE.... hmmm is it because he reallllllllly loves riding the tilt'a'whirl? It's more that he likes tiltin'Will's anus around his finger? Michael Jackson having an amusement park at his house is like Hitler opening up a Deli, bad things are going to happen. Bottom line (excuse the pun) is Michael Jackson is a certifiable weirdo. If he didn't whack this kid off after an all nighter with "Jesus Juice," than he will do it to some other kid sooner or later. Throw him in jail with Nasty Nate for awhile and see how he loves getting things shoved up his pasty white ass.

Michael Jackson molests kids..... DUH
And he isn't black.......................... DUH

Soccer Moms

What singular force is slowly eroding our personal freedoms in this country you may ask? The answer to me is simple, Soccer Moms. Basically, they represent one of two parental types, both equally dangerous.

The first is the over protective mother who won't even let her child go out in the rain, reads their emails, has a v-chip, sleeps with pictures of them at night, etc. This mother is responsible for the following bullshit rules in America. When the "Superbowl Tragedy" occurred last year and the three fags that actually watch the halftime show saw what 50% of America has not one, but two of (The infamous wardrobe malfunction) the whole overprotective mother soccer mom mounted up and stormed the FCC. Now, thanks to this, the cartoon network blur's Peter Griffen's (A FUCKING CARTOON) ass on family guy so the butt crack of a 300 lb cartoon doesn't make any little kid sexually aware of themselves and little Johnny won't pop an erection until his priest shows him how. This mother will also slip spontaneously into a coma when she hears such words as "pussy," "fuck," "biscuits," "shit," and my favorite "God Damn." You can thank her for not being able to listen to Outkast's "We love these ho's" on the radio. Instead you get "We love these _______ ah ah ah We love these _________." If a young girl hears the word ho, she will of course start shoving vegetables in her vagina and will go start sucking dick for her crack addiction within minutes of hearing the word ho on the radio. Thank God that these moms are there to prevent us from ourselves!

The second mom is probably the worst, because she drips with hypocrisy like the gravy that drips from her jowels. She worries about her child about as much as she worries about bidding on the next item from her lazy-boy on the Price is Right slamming tender crispy chicken into her exponentially expanding fundamental Christian ass...... until..... SOMETHING HORRIBLE HAPPENS. Then, like the dad from the Incredibles, she SQUEEEEEZES into her best looking tarp and heads to the local town meeting to squeal about how much she despises something influencing or hurting her child. Her favorite topics include gun control, violent videogames, and alcohol and tobacco (sadly, my personal favorites). Her idol is fat lesbian cow Rosie O' Donnell. Her stance on gun control comes from school shootings, random crime, and the occasional dumbass who wonders what bullets taste like so they find out from daddy's gun. The goal of these mom's is to more or less ban guns, because then, in their amazing psychic driven world, there will be NO MORE GUN VIOLENCE. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA. Newsflash fatties, as long as there are guns SOMEWHERE in the world SOMEONE is going to get shot sooner or later. Yeah, this may cut down on the kid who wants to eat bullets but crime and the random shooting will ALWAYS be there because psychos and criminals will ALWAYS be able to get guns no matter what laws you try to enact.

And of course, this drive to violence comes purely from kids playing violent video games. Personally, I have been playing violent video games since "Tank" on Atari and I don't want to rip kitties' heads off or anything simply because, wait for it, wait for it... I HAD FUCKING GOOD PARENTS. Without someone to tell you right from wrong in all aspects of life, of course dumbasses are going to learn the wrong thing. So after your kid goes on a 36 hour binger of trying to beat Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, pounds a 12 pack of Mellow Yellow, and proceeds to slap his girlfriend in the face because "the bad man in the video did and therefore its totally socially acceptable," you as a parent can either slap him in the face to teach him a lesson or you can do what every American does best, simply blame someone else!!! This is the favorite escape clause of the second type of soccer mom. Billy comes home drunk, it's those damn beer commercials. Jane comes home smoking, it's the tobacco companies agenda. Jane is pregnant, it's that damn 50 cent.... oh wait, you can blame him.

In every other country I know of, children are expected to adapt to the world of the adults around them, because that's what children do. They learn from the world around them and with the proper guidance (i.e. parents) learn right from wrong and become better people. In America, every adult is expected to adapt to the world of children, and this may be why we are slowly turning into a bunch of blood belching vaginas.

Get Me a Job Act of 2005

Due to the new trends in government, there is finally hope for me. I have contacted my congressman and senator to help my current problem. In light of congress voting on the new "Terry Schiavo Act of 2005," I have sent both of these people a proposed bill to help yours truly out. I have proposed the "Get Me a Job Act of 2005." Since the government thinks it is their highest priority to invade peoples personal life, I have decided that this would be their next best act! I mean W wouldn't even leave his ranch in the wake of the tsunami, but when it comes to invading some family's personal life in the wake of keeping an eggplant alive (see 'Terry Schiavo = Eggplant' post) he flies the whole way from Arizona to sign a bill to overturn a court order (which is clearly within the whole 'checks and balances' thing our fore fathers created). My bill would get me the job of my choosing due to act of Congress and W himself! I ask that I get at least 6 figures, a company Aston Martin, and private use of a helicopter to get me to and from work. My arguement, you may ask, is also pleasing to conservative Christian groups who want to preserve the eggplant. I abuse copious amounts of internet porn on a daily basis, giving these sites countless hits and providing jobs for spywarers to install tons of shit on my computer. Keeping me at home with nothing to do preserves an unfathomable number of industries which are detremental to society and are slowly destroying the American family. Giving me a job will protect your family from seeing horrible things such as female breasts, female asses, and the occasional shemale in your inbox. It is your duty to God and country to support my bill and keep me from destroying your family!

Why Dark Harvest May Be the Best Movie Ever

Dark Harvest is the best movie ever, if_____

1) There is at least a two shot minimum for this movie (i.e. no one watches it without two shots of some spirited beverage)

2) You don't mind watching NAKED LESBIANS make out.

3) You love special effects such as christmas light eyeballs

4) You drink every time someone gets killed.

5) You drink every time you see TWO NAKED LESBIANS make out.

You may not like Dark Harvest if ______

1) Your sense of humor is comparable to a rotten 2 x 4.

2) You can't stand the idea of the black guy not getting killed first.

3) You reaaaally liked Garden State

4) You have a problem with a generator being at a house constructed in the 1930's which by the way is meticulously maintained since no one has lived in the house for 70 years.

5) You really don't like naked lesbians making out.

Good Links

Possibly the Best Music Video Ever
http://bestof.entensity.net/2003/media/media.php?media=loser.wmv

Ted loved this game (tells you alot huh)
http://content.ugoto.com/?id=19444&type=4

There is NO way this is for real
http://www.dogcondoms.com/

This guy has no choice BUT to rape women
http://www.esorn.ag.state.oh.us/Secured/p23.aspx?oid=13753

Dumb ass BROADS (taken from some BROAD's blog because I am terminally bored)

Mailee and I managed to spend my entire bonus check at the mall today... bought out Nordstrom’s. Couldn’t stop shopping and releasing our aggressions towards men by releasing our credit cards to the registers. It was exhausting and we left with hurting feet and aching backs – but damn, we are gonna look good in these new clothes! NBSP!!!!!


YIPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! TAKE THAT MEN! I drink cosmo's, watch "Sex in the City," and listen to Destiny Child's Independant woman 23.4 hours a day. And if you ask, no its not on repeat, I burned a whole CD full of one song, so what! Remember when burning a bra was the coolest thing a woman could do? I don't know about you men, but I FELT the burning anger like a hot poker in my side of the women slamming their credit cards down at Nordstrom's to protest our overbearing brutality as they bought wrinkle cream, hooded sweatshirts, chocolate, and granny panties soon to be littered with skid marks.

I could break into that age old men do x when they perform Z action and women do Y BECAUSE ITS SO FREE SPIRITED AND CRAZY!!!!!!!!!! but I choose not to. Suffice it to say, you don't have to cast your net too far in this world to rake in a heap of dumbasses, male or female. By the way, what the hell does NBSP mean...

No Boy's Spunk Please? No idea

Day one hate mail!! I'm SOO EXCITED

From: Fuck you

What kind of faggot ass shit is this? No one wants to listen to your inner monologue. Why don't you and Maddox go 69 in a van outside of the nearest Starbucks.


Wow, I am really impressed. I got hate mail on day one. Well Mr. Fuck you, thank you for making my day. I have already masturbated four times to the thought of 69ing with a 40 year old, Kip from Napoleon Dynamite looking ass mormon in a van. Anyway, I'm going to go make love to my Ashley Simpson blow up doll (complete with hoedown dance action when she "doesn't perform").

By the way, guarantee that was Bob

Terry Schiavo = Eggplant

I am sick and tired of hearing about this "eggplant" and her "rights." When can she just starve to death? Have you seen her though? She is a pretty big woman and may take a while to waste away. Anyway, if she wanted to die, LET HER. It is not the government's right to force feed someone to preserve their life. I loved when republicans were square, fisically conservative losers. Now, they are JC's party and everything that caravan brings with it. Well, news flash, JC isn't going to sweep down on his polygamous Mormon powered chariot to save her, and no one else will either. Go to Hallmark, cry your tear, and get ready for next week's scandal!